November


All excerpts from the journal were written by Ashley. The journal covers May 7 - November 11, 2013. No changes or edits have been made to anything she wrote. Some names have been redacted.

 

November 2, 2013

Nov 2 I skipped last night because of being so sleepy. I still have the same nurse tech tonight too. Kenan is here but at night he is not very helpful which kinda scares me about going home.

Nov 2

I skipped last night because of being so sleepy. I still have the same nurse tech tonight too. Kenan is here but at night he is not very helpful which kinda scares me about going home.

Speaking of going home that is supposed to be Tuesday or Wednesday as long as my pain is controlled. Kenan has my hospice ready which includes a bed and all of that great stuff that comes along with the whole dying @ home process.

Speaking of going home that is supposed to be Tuesday or Wednesday as long as my pain is controlled. Kenan has my hospice ready which includes a bed and all of that great stuff that comes along with the whole dying @ home process.

My appetite hasn’t really changed but I’m scared to eat at times because the food gets or feels like it gets stuck in my throat. Secondly my feet and hands to other people seem to be cold. Thirdly I have a wheezing in my right lung. I’m trying to remember to use my breathing treatments but yesterday I don’t remember doing it at all and today I paid for it. I used that thing like it was going out of style. About to start getting for bed which takes a process

My appetite hasn’t really changed but I’m scared to eat at times because the food gets or feels like it gets stuck in my throat. Secondly my feet and hands to other people seem to be cold. Thirdly I have a wheezing in my right lung. I’m trying to remember to use my breathing treatments but yesterday I don’t remember doing it at all and today I paid for it. I used that thing like it was going out of style.

About to start getting for bed which takes a process

November 9, 2013

Nov 9 Back Home! We came home Nov 5 and have been trying to adjust. I am mostly trying to adjust, with my meds so that don’t make me constantly asleep or spaced out. In fact the only people I have allowed back here are my parents, Tammy, Thomas, and the nurses.  After Kenan eats some casserole we are going to take my meds and move around a bit. I may even see some sunlight today. Think about it… a little over 3 weeks ago I didn't need help doing any of the little things. My left hand comes and goes and my left hand/arm is what I need to write and and eat and drink. Going to have to start all over again. I think this morning that I had a little feeling. I can use it but as the day goes worse. It is probably how I am lay too, but I have to change so I’ll be working on that. I ate 3 crackers today. Now I have to think of how I want to sleep tonight.

Nov 9 Back Home!

We came home Nov 5 and have been trying to adjust. I am mostly trying to adjust, with my meds so that don’t make me constantly asleep or spaced out. In fact the only people I have allowed back here are my parents, Tammy, Thomas, and the nurses. 

After Kenan eats some casserole we are going to take my meds and move around a bit. I may even see some sunlight today. Think about it… a little over 3 weeks ago I didn't need help doing any of the little things. My left hand comes and goes and my left hand/arm is what I need to write and and eat and drink. Going to have to start all over again. I think this morning that I had a little feeling. I can use it but as the day goes worse. It is probably how I am lay too, but I have to change so I’ll be working on that. I ate 3 crackers today. Now I have to think of how I want to sleep tonight.

I’ve taken my meds but I keep feeling asleep. The meds are what are making me sleep but Kenan is on the job. He’s getting to where I don’t sleep as much. I personally don’t think Parks & Recreation is going to help. LOL. This show is stupid and at this point I am over watching the same show over and over again. It’s not just this show, it’s any show that gets recommended from Netflix actually.

I’ve taken my meds but I keep feeling asleep. The meds are what are making me sleep but Kenan is on the job. He’s getting to where I don’t sleep as much. I personally don’t think Parks & Recreation is going to help. LOL. This show is stupid and at this point I am over watching the same show over and over again. It’s not just this show, it’s any show that gets recommended from Netflix actually.

Goodnight gournal I’m going to bed soon. Just need to get positioned and make sure I can make it through the night. My mind is more fuzzy than anything so we should be good with the pain.  Ciao my journal

Goodnight gournal I’m going to bed soon. Just need to get positioned and make sure I can make it through the night. My mind is more fuzzy than anything so we should be good with the pain. 

Ciao my journal

November 10, 2013

Oct 10 (November 10) Yeah I am spaced. probably not as bad as yesterday b/c looking back at yesterday not even just the words, I see a lot of scratches and I don’t like chicken scratch on my pages. It looks sloppy and I don’t like that. I ate some today. I don’t really have an appitte (spelled wrong) but I don’t want to die from starvation either. I’ve decided that I want to donate my body to science, cremate and give my ashes to various ones who may want some remains. I’m getting a necklace for Tammy to carry some and Kenan is taking some to scatter on his travels to the unknown. I don’t care where they are scattered as long as Jehovah knows and rememers which I know they will. It is going to get cared of one way or another, that I’m sure of. In fact today I’m going to take some time to express some of my wishes in the bathroom, well hopefully I won’t  have to do that. I have had my share of throwing up in the toilet because of the disease, but I can’t let that went and happened. OK just had meds so it is about to kick in when that happens.

Oct 10 (November 10)

Yeah I am spaced. probably not as bad as yesterday b/c looking back at yesterday not even just the words, I see a lot of scratches and I don’t like chicken scratch on my pages. It looks sloppy and I don’t like that. I ate some today. I don’t really have an appitte (spelled wrong) but I don’t want to die from starvation either. I’ve decided that I want to donate my body to science, cremate and give my ashes to various ones who may want some remains. I’m getting a necklace for Tammy to carry some and Kenan is taking some to scatter on his travels to the unknown. I don’t care where they are scattered as long as Jehovah knows and rememers which I know they will. It is going to get cared of one way or another, that I’m sure of. In fact today I’m going to take some time to express some of my wishes in the bathroom, well hopefully I won’t  have to do that. I have had my share of throwing up in the toilet because of the disease, but I can’t let that went and happened. OK just had meds so it is about to kick in when that happens.

November 11, 2013

Oct 11 (November 11) I don’t know how loan long I’ll be writing this morning because I’m out of it and my hand is a little asleep. Kenan when put oxygen on on my nose last night. I couldn’t feel anything unusual but he could hear it. I was having shallow breath sounds, but Kenan spoke to Shannon and she wants me to wear it every night and make sure that works.

Oct 11 (November 11)

I don’t know how loan long I’ll be writing this morning because I’m out of it and my hand is a little asleep. Kenan when put oxygen on on my nose last night. I couldn’t feel anything unusual but he could hear it. I was having shallow breath sounds, but Kenan spoke to Shannon and she wants me to wear it every night and make sure that works.

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