All excerpts from the journal were written by Ashley. The journal covers May 7 - November 11, 2013. No changes or edits have been made to anything she wrote. Some names have been redacted.


August 8, 2013

August 8, 2013 Long time - No Write

A whole lot has been going on and since the last chemo treatment I have pretty much been sick nonstop, which has led us to wonder if this is even worth it. I would hate to be throwing up all of the time for nothing. Then I wonder well maybe it isn’t the chemo, maybe I am allergic to something in my diet. Well tomorrow I have my first cat scan and this will pretty much determine if I continue chemo treatments or move on to something else

 Micah, Blake, and the boys visited us for a few days and left today. I told Dylan that I was so happy to get to see him as a baby and that he will probably be much bigger when I see him next time.

Micah, Blake, and the boys visited us for a few days and left today. I told Dylan that I was so happy to get to see him as a baby and that he will probably be much bigger when I see him next time.

It’s weird that I haven’t written in a while and yet I don’t have much to say. I figured I would. I’ll just have to get into the groove again. 

Maybe I’ll have more to write tomorrow…

August 22, 2013

Aug 22 (midnight)

I guess it’s true what they say… “Once you stop it is hard to get going again”. And I really liked writing but for some reason I stopped and I am having the hardest time starting back

I had my first demo today… well I was the householder but I still was up there. Naomi did all of the hard work, including telling me what to say

Today I went to the dr. because I’ve been having back pain since last Thursday. At first I thought I must have tweeked it but then I realized that it is the same pain that initially got me my diagnosis. Yay! So that means more pain meds and that I will be in a brain fog again. Dr Jaffri also informed me that my MRI yesterday revealed more spots on the brain although Dr. Nanda yesterday said everything was ok. Dr. Jaffri is wanting me to do whole brain radiation because of it, whereas Dr. Nanda yesterday only mentioned another MRI in 3 months. I am so confused. But Kenan called Dr. Nanda’s office today and they are supposed to call back within 24 hrs. I sure hope so b/c my appt w/ the radiologist is next Wednesday.

In the meantime Kenan has been great at helping me get my meds and helping when my back was down. I feel like I’m the bad wife because all I can think to do is complain. Keep in mind i can hardly move but the house stinks. Yes smells bad! Thank goodness that the trash finally got taken out today. We were quickly running out of clothes, towels, and dishes. Heaven only knows what it would be like if we didn’t have a dishwasher. “We” are supposed to be cleaning tomorrow tho. At least there is one load of clothes in the wash now. That’s one step in the right direction.

August 28, 2013

August 28, 2013 Bring on the Radiation

Well today I thought I was going in for a consultation and instead I got suited up and ready for radiation for the next 2 weeks. It isn’t supposed to be as bad as chemo on my body but I know I might as well say my good byes to my hair now. It will grow back. I just hope that the radiation to the brain helps with the nausea. I’m beginning to think, or question rather, how much of all of this my body can handle, because I am getting tired already. I just have to hang on for a little while longer so that I can be w/ Kenan forever.

So yes while a few tears were shed during tonight’s journal entry, I’m going to bed on a happy note with positivity on my side.

August 29, 2013

August 29, 2013 Radiation Round 2 & a Puzzle

you read right folks, we bought a puzzle today. Just for Kenan and I. Hobby Lobby surprisingly didn’t have a very big selection but we managed to find one - DooWop themed. Mya said she would have figured I would have chosen a garden one, but for some reason I like busy puzzles although a garden puzzle might have proven itself a little more difficult. We will know more if we complete this puzzle tomorrow.

I may try to find another puzzle tomorrow after radiation, since I have to drive myself. I’m a little nervous about that but I am going to make the best of it and let my scarf blow in the breeze..lo